a scream claws up my throat
but my lips are clamped too tightly to let it out
vainly, it scrabbles for purchase
then falls back down into the void
never to be seen again
a sob tries to get out, and its brethren stare
up at it hopefully as it makes its way out of
my drowning lungs
but it is brutally rebuffed
it never sees the light of day
exhaustion effortlessly succeeds where others didn't
a weighted blanket drapes over my shoulders
numbness settles its ghostly hands over my throat
i feel the air rushing in but i can barely breathe
i choke on nothing
where is my cocoon? my bubble
my safe space divorced from reality
a pocket dimension, a slice of time
where i'm the only one
and no hands can breach the barrier
where is the place where i can roam free
of any stresses, any pressure that threatens to crush me
an invisible hydraulic press
is it only in the afterlife
or have i missed it forever:
the fetal position
the amniotic fluid
the muffled sounds
growing limbs
and no sensations
is my fate to stay shackled
in this meat prison of mine
doomed to feeling multitudes of emotions
a spectrum of pain and a myriad of joy
neon colours blind my eyes
god where is my out
my escape
my "exit game"
where is the light at the end
of this never ending tunnel
fists ball
tears fall
i raise my head to the sky
and finally, that scream i keep trapped within
rips out and reverberates